Stop saying tomorrow, next month and next year. Change yourself for Allah Almighty today.
Visiting graves is an important practice that reminds us about how short life actually is. Try to make new intentions to change for the sake of Allah Almighty. Every small change we make for Him can benefit us immensely in the Hereafter.
Reflections from a Graveyard: This life is truly temporary
Visiting Graves
Whenever I visit my father’s grave at his serene resting place at the Garden of Blessings, I am always filled with many mixed emotions. I approach his grave with a sense of familiarity and comfort, knowing he knows I am present. The yearn to see him in person quietly sits within me as I pay my respects and pray for his soul’s journey to be one of Light, Love and reward.
Buried beneath that gravestone, my mind accepts that he is no longer with us in this Dunya or material world. I might shed a silent tear whilst feeling the pangs of pain caused by my loss.
I like to spend time at his grave. It is a place where I can reflect and allow my mind to filter out the everyday tasks and chores that take up so much space in my thoughts. I am often struck by the reality of how short life is. How unpredictable the end of our lives are. I fully expected to see my father again, well and happy the morning before he suddenly died.
I know visitors to graves neighbouring my father’s often think about their last encounter with them, reliving it and always wishing they had known that would be the last. Never feeling like we had quite enough time with them as we would have liked.
All these collective memories of the mourners of the dead lead to the quiet acknowledgement that life is short and is over before we know it.
Realisation: Our Future is Not Guaranteed
The realisation creeps into our minds that our loved one did not know that they would not live to see the next Ramadan, their next birthday or any other eventuality or life event that they were planning for. It dawns on us during these moments of reflection that our own lives are short, and that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Death could be around the corner for any one of us.
One thing we truly deeply pray and hope for when visiting our loved ones at their grave is that they have a successful Hereafter. We pray for their sins to be forgiven; hoping and praying that their good deeds are rewarded in abundance.
I often wonder about my own condition and state. If I were to suddenly pass away, and be buried in my own grave right now, would all the deeds in my life so far be enough to please the Creator, Allah Almighty? Would my life’s activity until now be enough to achieve the Lord’s favour or reward?
These are the serious reflections us mourners have when we look at the earth under which our loved ones lie. I am sure that visiting the grave is a recommended Sunnah because it reminds us how transient life truly is.
Indulgence and Procrastination: the Obstacles of Our Own Progression
When I think about how life really is over before the blink of an eye, I start reflecting on how I always intend to spend more time doing more meaningful things. I fully intended to give up a few hours of my weekend towards a greater cause for the local Muslim charity, but I was drawn in by the latest binge-worthy TV drama.
Before I know it, my weekend is over, and all I have to show for it is my in-depth knowledge of the plot twists and surprising ending the show left me with. I acted on none of the good intentions I had. There is always next weekend for that. I suppose.
It is part of our human nature to put off until tomorrow, next week, next month or next year all the things that we can do to improve ourselves. I allow myself a little more indulgence in what cheers me up and keeps me engaged. One light-hearted activity after another. I tell myself that next month, after getting some of my own amusements out of my system, then I will take my spiritual and religious path more seriously.
The problem is, the more we indulge ourselves, the less focussed or serious we become about trying to change ourselves for the better. The more engrossed I am by the dizzying, dazzling attractions the Dunya offers. I make myself another promise, to start next month instead. And on this procrastination goes.
The truth is, there is no perfect setting or timing to start being that better version of me.
One day, I spoke to a fellow mourner at the grave, and this time, the resolve just stuck: I need to start today. Starting today, I can make a new intention: to instil better habits and ACT on the positive changes I always think about making one day.
Where to Start and What to Change?
Making progress in our personal and spiritual path happens one step at a time. For each of us, the starting point and next step will look different.
Prayers
For me, the journey began with being more disciplined and giving priority to my five times prayer each day. I needed to do more to fulfil all five daily prayers. If someone is praying all their prayers, they can maybe ensure that each one is completed in full, including all the Nafl prayers.
Sunnah: Good Habits
I started thinking about which Sunnah habits I would like to adopt. Acts of charity and helping neighbours seemed the natural go-tos for me.
We could all instil a good habit of adding important Sunnah acts into our lives: helping a relative, a neighbour, feeding the hungry, serving the elderly. We might make the intention to read more of the noble Quran and dedicate that to our deceased loved one as Isal-e-Sawab. We might give in Sadaqah or charity, again on behalf of our loved one or our families to purify our wealth.
Give Up Bad Habits
Other changes we can make are to give up bad habits. My worst habits, I would say are wasting time and money. I knew I needed to restrict my time binge-watching TV and scrolling through social media. Habits that take up so much time and are so meaningless in the long-run.
I know some mourners near my father’s grave curbed their smoking addiction. The grave visits kickstarts that realisation to change. Everyone has their vice. Dropping those sins, major and minor, are surely a way forward as we think how near we could be to death.
Since making those steps, I think more about all my actions, including my speech. I think more carefully about the things I am saying. Is what I am saying true; is it kind; what is my intention?
Being more conscious of what comes out of my mouth hopefully means I can stamp out those bad habits of my tongue: stop gossiping, lying, backbiting.
Mindfulness
We often manage to increase the good deeds and stamp out some of our bad habits during the holy month of Ramadan. Achieving a more purposeful, mindful lifestyle during this blessed month proves that we are capable of more than we give ourselves credit for. It also is a snapshot of who we can be and what we can achieve outside of Ramadan.
I am sure each of us reflects upon Ramadan drawing to a close, and even our own lives drawing to an eventual end. If we use this pondering to make firm intentions and change ourselves for the sake of Allah Almighty, then even the pain and experience of loss will have been good for us. We know better than others that when we have reached the grave – it will be too late.
While we are living and breathing, every moment is a chance for us to progress towards our Creator, Allah Almighty. Visiting the graveside can be a springboard for personal and spiritual development.
by Hanna Ali, a Solicitor from Birmingham, whose father has been buried in the Garden of Blessings for over 10 years